is 25 too young to get married?

Elizabeth Gilbert writes:

I had already made this mistake – entering into marriage without understanding anything whatsoever about the institution – once before in my life. In fact, I had jumped into my first marriage, at the totally unfinished age of twenty-five, much the same way that a Labrador jumps into a swimming pool – with exactly that much preparation and foresight. Back when I was twenty-five, I was so irresponsible that I probably should not have been allowed to choose my own toothpaste, much less my own future, and so this carelessness, as you can imagine, came at a dear cost.

Me and special k got married when we were 26 (he’s only eleven days older than me – the story goes that I pushed him off the cloud, which is how we ended up on opposite sides of the planet).

My vows started like this:

You’ve taught me how to actually love another person, because you’re worth facing myself when it seems impossible. I adore you.

I know, and Elizabeth Gilbert knows, that everyone is different. For me, love launched me into the transformation of my late twenties; it gave me the courage and motivation to face myself. (It still does.) She grew out of it.

What is a good age for marriage?

Comments 3 Responses

  1. Leigh Ann

    *shrugs* Like you said, everyone is different. I got married when I was 22 and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think it’s about age, it’s about preparation, like your quote above is implying.

    Sweet photo! 🙂

    1. anna cowan Post author

      thanks! it’s my fav. My grandma asks me every year for some “good photos from the wedding”, but unfortunately, we didn’t want any group shots… I possibly regret it a little bit now, but it was a relief at the time not to have to pose for hours on end.

      Back when I had first fallen in love with special k a very interesting woman said to me, “Huh, so True Love is your thing, right?” She was someone who had been involved in weird cults during the seventies where your partner had sex with someone else in front of you – a technique for letting go of attachment, or something. She said to me, “My thing was always Freedom.” I’ve always just assumed everyone’s like me and Love comes first and foremost. But it made sense that marriage, which takes compromise, no matter how wonderful it is, didn’t work for her.

      Yeah. Everyone’s different.

  2. cheryl nekvapil

    My parents were invited to a friend’s 90th birthday, and at the celebration — surprise! it’s doubling as a marriage! He married his friend and supporter who was 85 at the time — this is a version that says, it’s never too late for marriage, any age will do if it’s what you’re called to do. Only time will show the endurance of the deed. Like Britney Spears — maybe 55 hours is the duration — the reality must have been far from the intention to wilt so soon. Maybe it’s a lifetime, maybe it’s a tragedy or a comedy, maybe it’s soul companionship, maybe it’s convenience — certainly it’s something beyond knowing and no-one who knows anything about marriage ever said it would be easy. A wedding is a great celebration that’s for sure. I think when they end we could also celebrate that; it’s odd how the endings just fizzle ignomiously away. A marriage wake would do us all the world of good!

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